Tuesday, May 22, 2012

You know what they say when you assume...

The scene:  

Husband comes home after a long day at work.  Wife has just cooked dinner and is now in chair folding 2 laundry baskets full of clothes. Husband comes in, gets beer, lays across couch to watch Monday Night Football.  Husband appears oblivious to wife working.  Wife gets more and more irritated as the minutes go by.

Wife:  (forcefully) Uh, are you going to sit there like that all night or are you going to help me with these clothes?

Husband:  (innocently) What?

Wife:  (angrily) I said, are you going to help me with these clothes???  Why is it that every night you come home and lay on the couch and drink your beer and never bother to help around here??? Can't you see I need help????

Husband:  (clueless)  Help?  If you wanted me to help then why didn't you ask?

Wife:  (now fuming) I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO ASK!!!!!!!

Husband:  (blank).

Now, be honest.  Has this happened in your home?  Married couples call this "communication".  It's standard operating procedure in millions of homes around the world.  And it's not communication. The scenario you see above is called "assumption".  We assume that someone else knows what we want.  We don't come right out and ask for what we want, we assume. The word that usually follows is "incorrectly". Assumption will lead right down the path you see above on almost every occasion.

I've noticed that we have no trouble at all asking for what we want outside of our home.  Have you ever pulled up to the drive thru (why is it always spelled like that) at the Dairy Queen and sat in your car in silence when the girl asks you what you want?  She should know what I want because I've been here a thousand times before and I always get a Belt buster with cheese and extra mayo with a large fry and a side of cream gravy for the dipping!!!  Uh, ok.  When I order from Amazon, I don't leave the order form blank.  Don't they know by now what I like?  Nah, I ask for what I want.  Seems there is a serious lack of communication going on outside of the marketplace.

Our culture doesn't help out much with our diminishing ability to communicate.  It encourages it.  The first time I got a text from a friend who was sitting directly across the table from me I knew that the times were changing.  Note:  the text I received did not say "you have mustard on your chin" or "check your pants".  It was something like, "wassup".  We've also grown accustomed to culling down our language with this new found way of "communication".  I wanted to meet a friend the other day so I texted this..."cn u b at FS wed aft"? His response was "np".  At first, I thought he meant to say no and that his auto correct had messed him up.  So, I asked what he meant.  I use the word "asked" loosely, all I did was this, "?"  He replied, "I meant no prob dud".  He couldn't even spell out his explanation.  No problem dud (dude).  I can't wait until this translates into communication outside of our IPhones.  Imagine walking up to the counter at Taco Bell and handing them a note like this; "I want a TBG XC BS XS NLT with a side of SCEHS".  And the guy writes back, "np dud".  Then a big screen will flash your ready to pick up order; ON5RFPUP.  But you have to go to the restroom so you text BRB.  Who was that guy that sang, "what a wonderful world this would be"?  If our communication reaches that point at Taco Bell, imagine what it will be reduced to at home?  A series of grunts and snarls.  We are right back to square one.  Assuming.

Ask for what you want.  Don't be afraid.  From a guy's point of view I can honestly say that if the Cowboys are playing the Redskins we may not be paying a lot of attention, just like when your watching "Lifetime" or "Ellen".  Fair is fair.  My wife once let me practically die of heatstroke when I was cutting grass because it was Oprah's last show.  She never noticed the sweating, nearly fainting shell of a man pushing the mower.  Ask.  Water please?  Help with the socks?  I guarantee you that if asked repeatedly then it will begin to register. And please don't text me from across the table, or even across the room.  If my shoes don't match just say so.  I won't hold it against you.  Iz np I cn asur u.  Ltr duds!                    

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